Re: It's Your Call: Which E-mail Disclaimer is Best? (LONG)

["Lisa Wright" <liwright -at- qwest -dot- net>]

The manager's intent should be on conveying the correct message, not strictly on the number of words, as someone else noted. I think the attorney's version is better as it is more specific. It is not tangled in convoluted legalese; it is specific in what the recipient should do and what the company does. Doesn't mean it can't be improved a little, but the reader needs to be clear, for example, that you are screening your networks for electronic viruses ("While we make every effort to keep our network free from viruses"), not that you practice safe sex ("We protect ourselves against viruses").

I don't believe using contractions and eliminating articles should "count" when you are talking about reducing word count in a document, and if it makes the reader pause it should "count" against you. If increased clarity reduces word count, that's just an excellent bonus--it shouldn't be the end goal.

Just my thoughts.
Lisa Wright

----- Original Message ----- 
From: Robert B. Kennedy <textexcellence -at- yahoo -dot- com>
To: TECHWR-L <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com>
Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2001 3:28 PM
Subject: It's Your Call: Which E-mail Disclaimer is Best? (LONG)


Hi Whirlers,

I was recently asked to edit a lengthy
e-mail disclaimer for a client of mine.
The manager's intent was to reduce the
word count substantially -- which is
what I did, reducing it from 113 to 
71 words.

Yet corporate counsel says the edited
version "reads poorly." While choppy,
I think the edited version will be
READ MORE OFTEN and therefore is a
better read than the original.

What do you think? 

Original:

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Edited Version:

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