Don't try this at home! was: RE: Which do you prefer and why?

Subject: Don't try this at home! was: RE: Which do you prefer and why?
From: Emily Berk <emily -at- armadillosoft -dot- com>
To: "TECHWR-L" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com>
Date: Wed, 01 Aug 2001 21:13:36 -0700

Guys:

By simultaneously

1. Substituting the names of food products I knew nothing about into the place of technical terms I actually do understand and
2. Throwing an extra, stray colon

into the sentence I presented for your consideration, I immediately ran afoul of both:

1. The highly-professional techwr-l Food Police and
2. techwr-l's ever-alert Punctuation/Grammar Police.

Report of the Food Police:
=========================
An anonymous tip from one of the cooks in our group, who obviously knows a lot more than I do about food products:

>There is no such thing as "pure, unprocessed, brown sugar". Brown sugar
>is, in fact, processed white granulated sugar that has been mixed with
>molasses and/or syrup. can't help it. it's the pastry chef in me. ...

Report of the Punctuation/Grammar Police, in the person of Chris Thiessen,
but thanks to the many others who concurred:
==================================================================
>Both are incorrect usages of the colon and commas, and the double dash
>(?em dash) can be replaced with a parenthetical phrase. How about:

> Add only pure, unprocessed brown sugar (not white sugar or molasses) to
> your confections.

>For emphasis, I would juxtapose the things you don't want to use with
>what you do want to use, as well as anticipating and answering the "gee, I
>have white sugar, won't that work?" question. I'd also eliminate the comma
>just after unprocessed: the noun string is sufficiently clear for folks to
>understand (especially since you've got the phrase "white sugar" occurring
>immediately for clarification).

I went with (and please note deliberate change of ingredient order, for the pastry-savvy among us):

Add only pure, white cane sugar (not brown sugar or molasses)
to your most ambitious confections.

Thanks all!

--Emily

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Emily Berk ~
On the web at www.armadillosoft.com *** Armadillo Associates, Inc. ~
~ Project management, developer relations and ~
extremely-technical technical documentation that developers find useful.~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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