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I just went through the painful exercise of resolving this very problem in my group. We concluded that the word choice is a matter of preference and consistency & clarity are most important. IMO, it's unreasonable to task users with differentiating between those controls that can and cannot be deselected. I'm all for using different verbs for keyboard buttons and GUI elements (press & select) since it's a clear signal for where to look, but I think the granularity that your dev team is asking for is over the top.
Colleen MacKenzie
a former lurker
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