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I have a folder full of malapropisms I've collected over the years, mostly from a dear friend who brought me close to tears with unintentional treasures like these:
"It was wierd--really on the beaten path."
"He was furious. He went on a fifteen-minute tyrant."
"It was awful. I was bored out of my tears."
"I'm such a by-the-box cook."
"Nobody likes to have people screaming down their backs."
"That just thrills me to no end."
"Don't beat your head around the bush over it."
"Let's start from ground zero."
"I just have to put her out of my misery."
"He's great--always right there on the johnny spot."
A coworker once raved about the "archipela choir" she heard in concert.
An employer's recruiting brochure quoted an executive as saying, "Growth is the only engine that can fuel new opportunities for our people."
I don't remember where this one came from, but I love it:
"These figures do not recognize that because of interest,
a dollar in the future has less value than a dollar today."
An article about John Sununu noted that the first President Bush had to "call him on the red carpet more than once." (I thought it was a red *phone*!)
A promo for the local station said, "Public television lives up to its namesake."
And finally, there was the news story about a prestigious clown school, in which the reporter said, "As a graduate, you're virtually guaranteed a job with one of the major circuses, unless you just fall flat on your face."
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