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Subject:Re: Beaten by the mob From:"Dick Margulis " <margulis -at- mail -dot- fiam -dot- net> To:"TECHWR-L" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com> Date:Mon, 13 Jan 2003 13:17:25 -0500
Bruce Byfield <bbyfield -at- axionet -dot- com> wrote:
>
>On my own account, I have to add that all these stories about standing
>up to bullies can be dangerous. They feed the myth that bullies are
>cowards, and will back down if you stand up to them. They also
>perpetuate the idea that, if your cause is good,then you'll naturally win.
>
Bruce, if you do it right (stand up to them, that is), the tactic generally works. Shouting back is rarely the right tactic (although the anecdotes have been fun to read). The main thing that dampens a bully's behavior is when that behavior fails to elicit the desired response. So, most of the time, just standing your ground fearlessly is all you have to do. You may have to do it repeatedly in hard cases, but eventually, the bully moves on to other victims. And if all of the victims (subordinates, team members, whatever) act in concert, the bully may finally give up the behavior altogether.
This is not an easy technique to master for everyone. Role-playing exercises with friends can help gird one. But I've generally found it to work, as long as my opponent wasn't waving a weapon.
Dick
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