Sentence structure?

[Geoff Hart <ghart -at- videotron -dot- ca>]

Brigitte Johnston wondered: I keep coming across this type of sentence 
structure when editing reports at my company (here are 2 examples): 1.  
"Analysis is the key to ensure that you are focusing your company's 
investment on the most important concern." 2.  "Identifying the 
presence, type, and level of risk currently existing in the workplace 
is an essential step to reduce risks in the workplace.">>>

For an editor, my knowledge of grammar jargon is shamefully poor. With 
that caveat, here's how I'd describe the problem: The author is 
mistakenly using an infinitive form (to ensure/reduce) instead of a 
present participle (ensuring/reducing). The infinitive can be used, and 
used effectively, but the sentence structure must change to an 
imperative form to accomodate that form: "To ensure/reduce..., 
analyze/identify..."

<<But I would word them this way: 1.  "Analysis is the key to ensuring 
that you are focusing your company's investment on the most important 
concern." 2.  "Identifying the presence, type, and level of risk 
currently existing in the workplace is an essential step toward 
reducing risks in the workplace.">>

Both are a bit longer and more descriptive than necessary. Context 
seems to be a newsletter of some sort rather than procedural 
information, so perhaps that's appropriate. However, there's too much 
"is key" and "is essential" if these phrases are representative of the 
larger work. It can safely be assumed that you wouldn't be emphasizing 
either point if it weren't important, thus it's redundant to keep 
saying that it's important. Restrict that emphasis to the most 
important points.

There's also a weakness in doubling your verbs: "ensuring that you are 
focusing" could easily become "focusing". If you're focusing, you've 
already ensured that you're focusing. "Ensure" is important if the 
emphasis is on making sure, rather than on focusing, but that seems 
unlikely.

--Geoff Hart   ghart -at- videotron -dot- ca
(try geoffhart -at- mac -dot- com if you don't get a reply)


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

ROBOHELP X5: Featuring Word 2003 support, Content Management, Multi-Author
support, PDF and XML support and much more!
TRY IT TODAY at http://www.macromedia.com/go/techwrl

WEBWORKS FINALDRAFT: New! Document review system for Word and FrameMaker
authors. Automatic browser-based drafts with unlimited reviewers. Full
online discussions -- no Web server needed! http://www.webworks.com/techwr-l 

---
You are currently subscribed to techwr-l as:
archiver -at- techwr-l -dot- com
To unsubscribe send a blank email to leave-techwr-l-obscured -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Send administrative questions to lisa -at- techwr-l -dot- com -dot-  Visit
http://www.techwr-l.com/techwhirl/ for more resources and info.