TechWhirl (TECHWR-L) is a resource for technical writing and technical communications professionals of all experience levels and in all industries to share their experiences and acquire information.
For two decades, technical communicators have turned to TechWhirl to ask and answer questions about the always-changing world of technical communications, such as tools, skills, career paths, methodologies, and emerging industries. The TechWhirl Archives and magazine, created for, by and about technical writers, offer a wealth of knowledge to everyone with an interest in any aspect of technical communications.
Humor - "State Loses Instruction Manual for Electronic Voting
Subject:Humor - "State Loses Instruction Manual for Electronic Voting From:dugas -at- intalio -dot- com To:"TECHWR-L" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com> Date:Tue, 2 Nov 2004 08:09:49 -0800 (PST)
>From the "Borowitz Report"
November 1, 2004
FLORIDA TO DECIDE ELECTION BY SHOW OF HANDS
State Loses Instruction Manual for Electronic Voting Machines
Attempting to head off the kind of voting irregularities that threw the
2000 election into chaos, Florida voting officials announced today that
the state's presidential contest would be determined by a "show of hands."
In a statewide address broadcast on live television this morning, Florida
Secretary of State Glenda Hood instructed all Florida voters to start
heading for a vacant trailer park on the outskirts of Tampa where the
official show of hands will take place.
While acknowledging that a show of hands was an unorthodox way for Florida
to determine who will receive the state's twenty-seven electoral votes,
Ms. Hood said the move became necessary after it was discovered late last
week that the state had lost the instruction manual for its controversial
Diebold electronic voting machines.
An early test of the machines last Wednesday set off alarms among voting
officials when the electronic tally showed conservative commentator Pat
Buchanan winning the state with 87% of the vote, despite not appearing on
the ballot.
"After searching for the instruction manual, we moved on to Plan B, which
was to operate the voting machines with a hand-crank," Secretary of State
Hood said. "But then nobody could find the crank."
Florida Governor Jeb Bush said the show-of-hands method should not shake
Floridians' confidence in the accuracy of the returns, saying, "We will
keep counting hands until we get the result we want."
Elsewhere, Osama bin Laden lashed out at American broadcast networks for
failing to air the final sentence of his tape last Friday, which was: "I'm
Osama bin Laden, and I approve this message."
To unsubscribe to this e-mail list please paste the following URL: http://www.borowitzreport.com/contact -dot- asp?email=dugas -at- intalio -dot- com into
your browser address bar or forward this message to
"remove -at- borowitzreport -dot- com".
***ANDY'S ELECTION NIGHT PARTY - TONIGHT!***
You don't want to be alone this Election Night -- and now, you don't have
to. Join Andy and an all-star lineup, including VH1's Jessi Klein,
Christian Finnegan and Sen. John Kerry, for a night of comedy and
real-time election returns on Tuesday, November 2nd, at the first-ever
Borowitz Report Election Night Party in New York City. The Marquee
Theater, 356 Bowery bet. E. 3rd and E. 4th. Doors open at 7:30, show
starts at 8, tickets $5. For more info, email Erin -dot- Keating -at- nbcuni -dot- com
***ANDY IN NYC NOVEMBER 3***
Recover from your election hangover with Andy at Rocky Sullivan's Pub.
Andy will read and sign copies of THE BOROWITZ REPORT: THE BIG BOOK OF
SHOCKERS. 129 Lexington Ave. (btwn 28th & 29th Sts.) 212-725-3871. 8 PM.
***COCKTAILS WITH ANDY IN NEW HAVEN NOVEMBER 4***
Andy will read and sign copies of THE BOROWITZ REPORT: THE BIG BOOK OF
SHOCKERS at 7 PM November 4 at The Graduate Club, 155 Elm Street, New
Haven. Doors open at 6:30 for cocktails and snacks; tickets $5
***ANDY IN SARASOTA - SATURDAY NOVEMBER 6***
Andy appears and signs books at The Sarasota Reading Festival on Saturday,
November 6. 3:00, Opera Main Stage.
***ANDY IN ST. PETERSBURG - SUNDAY NOVEMBER 7***
Andy appears and signs books at the St. Petersburg Times Festival of
Reading on Sunday, November 7. 12:15, Eckerd College, Fox Hall.
ROBOHELP X5 - SEE THE ALL NEW ROBOHELP X5 IN ACTION!
RoboHelp X5 is a giant leap forward in Help authoring technology, featuring all new Word 2003 support, Content Management, Multi-Author support, PDF and XML support and much more! View an online demo: http://www.macromedia.com/go/techwrldemo
---
You are currently subscribed to techwr-l as:
archiver -at- techwr-l -dot- com
To unsubscribe send a blank email to leave-techwr-l-obscured -at- lists -dot- techwr-l -dot- com
Send administrative questions to lisa -at- techwr-l -dot- com -dot- Visit http://www.techwr-l.com/techwhirl/ for more resources and info.
