Re: Fwd: difficulties with the boss

[Dick Margulis <margulisd -at- comcast -dot- net>]

Anonymous Poster wrote:

[snipped completely standard crap about having to deal with an 
incompetent, low-self-esteem, sociopathic manager]

Advice from someone who has been there, done that, more than once:

In the short run (while you are doing your damnedest to find another 
job, because this one is going to be untenable for the long run), 
consider these tactics, all of which I've used at one time or another in 
similar situations:

1. Do not send your written communication to the boss's boss. Instead 
request a private meeting to discuss "a confidential matter." Get that 
person's read on your boss: Does the manager already know your boss is a 
loose cannon or is this news? Are the manager's hands tied? Should you 
take this up with HR? Etc. You're asking politely for advice on the best 
way to "manage your boss"; you're not there to complain, only to 
describe the situation factually and unemotionally.

2. Speak truth to power.

Confront your boss, calmly and politely, with instances of her 
irreconcilable instructions and ask her to understand why you are 
confused by them. This will be unexpected and will throw her off. That's 
an opportunity for you to be the mature adviser who can help her with 
her self-esteem problem (surely she knows she has one even if she won't 
admit it the first time you bring it up). This completely changes the 
dynamic of the relationship.

3. Draw boundaries.

When she touches your body or your monitor, remove her hand forcefully 
and say, "don't do that." When she calls you names, instruct her that it 
is impermissible behavior and you won't stand for it. Treat her like the 
two-year-old she's behaving like, in other words.

4. Remind yourself constantly that this isn't about you; it's about her. 
This is for your own sanity, mostly. It's also to help you keep your 
voice under control.

5. Whenever the opportunity arises, stand at the white board with a 
marker in your hand, with your boss seated. This puts you in a position 
to control the conversation. Make your points directly and forcefully. 
If she objects irrationally, raise  your voice (but in a controlled 
manner) until she begins to cry. At that point your work is done. Take 
up the rest of the agenda at a subsequent meeting and repeat the procedure.

HTH,

Dick

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