<HUMOR>Re: Corinthians

[Steve English <ink -at- MICROS -dot- COM>]

Kat Nagel wrote...

        Found this while I was telnetting around in an obscure corner of the Vatican
        Library last week<grin>.  Looks like freelancers' problems haven't changed
        much in the last 2000 years.


        All right, guys; what gives?

        The contract for my last lecture tour clearly stated that you would pay a
        reasonable honorarium, as well as renting the hall, hiring the audience, and
        providing scribes to copy the handouts.

        I've sent you two copies of the invoice, and I haven't seen hide nor hair of
        the $$$ you owe me.  BTW, a couple of beers does not equal a 'reasonable
        honorarium'.   Fun is fun, but I do this for a  _living_.

        I strongly suggest that you pay up soon.  If I don't get your check (or money
        order, or bags of silver, or whatever) by the next available messenger, I'll
        be forced to turn the account over to the Friendly Apostles Collection
        Agency.

        Sincerely yours,
        Paul




A recent dig near the ancient city of Tarsus uncovered the following fragment
of a message, carved into a stone tablet. Can't vouch for it's authenticity,
but it did make me wonder when I heard the expedition was financed by a
magazine calling itself "The Weekly National World Tattler and OJ Chronicle".

Steve English



FROM: Schurke & Schurke, Attys.

Yo, Pauli,

You know very well you can't bill ALL Corinthians for that little dog-and-pony
show you put on here last month. Under the terms of your contract, which I
happen to have here in front of me, the guys that booked your gig are the
only ones on the hook. I regret to tell you, therefore, that they've all
been stoned, and I've been hired to represent their various estates.

(I told 'em; I said, "Paul, here!? You guys must have rocks in your heads!"
And now, of course, they really do.)

Paulster, as your friend, let me tell it to you straight. You ain't got a
chance of pressing this claim in a Corinthian court. For one thing, you'd
have to swear an oath on Zeus before you testify, and I understand you aren't
prepared to do that. For another thing, most of the populace is busy with
the traditional activities that accompany the annual Feast of Aphrodite, and
if you interuptus them from THAT to make them sit on a jury, they're not gonna
be too kindly disposed to your case.

Paulerini, baby, go back to Tarsus, what's the matter with you? Take up your
old job-- being a professional bully's gotta be better for the old pocketbook
than this apostleering. And, seriously, if you hadn't been too cheap to hire
a local guide on your trip, you'd have KNOWN that the road to Damascus is
famous for those magic mushrooms that grow along the trail.

Try to take this in the spirit it's intended, kid. I know it might make you
mad, but don't kill the messenger. I'm running low on messengers.

Look me up the next time you're in town, but hey, wear a mask if you come by
the office, huh? Enjoy the wine I enclosed, but when you're done, could you
return the empty? I wanna get back my 5-drachma deposit on the amphora.

Sid

[Transcribers' note: According to the best translations available, "schurke" is
either a proper noun, or an old Greek word for some form of carnivorous fish.
We have placed it in context here to the best of our ability.]