HUMOR: Jargon update

[Kris Olberg <kjolberg -at- IX -dot- NETCOM -dot- COM>]

Someone recently requested some humor. So I'm passing this jargon update along ...

>   Dilberted
>To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences
>of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted
>again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

>   Link Rot
>The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites
>they're connected to change location or die.

>   Chip Jewelry
>A euphamism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into
>decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it's
>nothing but chip jewelry."

>   Crapplet
>A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30
>minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

>   Plug-and-Play
>A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great.
>He's totally plug-and-play."

>   World Wide Wait
>The real meaning of WWW.

>   CGI Joe
>A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and
>charisma of a plastic action figure.

>   Dorito Syndrome
>Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive
>substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours
>surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."

>   Under Mouse Arrest
>Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct.
>"Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."

>   Glazing
>Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at
>conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the
>room was glazing by the second session?"

>   404
>Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message "404, URL Not
>Found," meaning that the document you've tried to access can't be
>located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."

>   Dead Tree Edition
>The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic
>forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."

>   Egosurfing
>Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for
>the mention of your name.

>   Graybar Land
>The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing
>something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the
>screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to
>that CAD rendering."

>   Open-Collar Workers
>People who work at home or telecommute.

>   Squirt The Bird
>To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are
>ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"

>   Brain Fart
>A biproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly.  A burst
>of useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but
>can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker
>slang that had more negative connotations.

>   Cobweb Site
>A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time.  A dead
>web page.

>   It's a Feature
>>From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature."  Used sarcastically to
>describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.

>   Keyboard Plaque
>The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.  "Are
>there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard
>plaque."

>   Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
>Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity.  Trashing
>your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

>   Elvis Year
>The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis
>year was 1993."

>    Alpha Geek
>The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office or
>work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

>    Adminisphere
>The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rank and
>file.  Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly
>inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

>   Tourists
>People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their
>jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were
>tourists."

>   Blowing Your Buffer
>Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking
>with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so
>astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my
>buffer!"

>    Gray Matter
>Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms
>looking to appear more reputable and established.

>   Bookmark
>To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from
>web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at
>Siggraph."

>   Nyetscape
>Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.

>   Beepilepsy
>The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off,
>especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy
>facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

>     Salmon Day
>The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
>screwed in the end.
Regards...Kris
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