a little monday humor

[Paula Puffer <techwrtr -at- CEI -dot- NET>]

>From: Paula Puffer <techwrtr -at- cei -dot- net>
>Subject: The wit and wisdom of Dan Quayle
>
He he everyone needs a laugh on Monday right?

Paula
>>--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
>>Sure, Dan Quayle is old news, but I believe it is a good idea to keep history
>>fresh in our lives.  That way, we will relive less mistakes.
>>
>>Off to have a potatoe.
>>THE Mad Forwarder
>>
>>"He was high on intellectual living.
>> I've never been there but the brochures look nice." - Sheryl Crow
>>
>>-------------------------------- ATTACHED NOTE
--------------------------------
>>         Date: 02/23/97
>>         FROM:   Cron                SAUTOEMX.CRON
>>    Subject:   The wit and wisdom of Dan Quayle
>>+----------------------------------------------------------------------+
>>
>> The wit and wisdom of Dan Quayle, former Vice President
>>
>>
>> I not going to focus on what I have done in the past
>> what I stand for, what I articulate to the American people.
>> The American people will judge me on what I am saying and what I
>> have done in the last 12 years in the Congress.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>>
>> What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind.  Or not to have a mind
>> at all.  How true that is.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle winning friends while
>>                    speaking to the United Negro College Fund
>>
>> One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president,
>> and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the Phoenix Republican
>>                    Forum, March 1990
>>
>> I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
>> democracy - but that could change.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed
>> without them in 'Red Storm Rising'.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world.
>>                 -- The Quayles' 1989 Christmas card.
>>                     Not a beacon of literacy, though.
>>
>> Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to
>>                    the collapsed section of the 880 freeway after
>>                    the San Francisco earthquake of 1989.
>>                     this may be a joke; the source is unclear.
>>                       but it's still funny
>>
>> Why wouldn't an enhanced deterrent, a more stable peace, a better
>> prospect to denying the ones who enter conflict in the first place
>> to have a reduction of offensive systems and an introduction to
>> defensive capability.  I believe that is the route this country
>> will eventually go.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> Mars is essentially in the same orbit... somewhat the same distance from the
>> Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals,
>> we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If
>> oxygen, that means we can breathe.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific.  It is IN
>> the Pacific.  It is a part of the United States that is an island that
>> is right here.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle,
>>                    Hawaii, September 1989
>>
>> You all look like happy campers to me.  Happy campers you are, happy
>> campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you
>> will always be.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the American Samoans,
>>                    whose capital Quayle pronounces "Pogo Pogo"
>>
>> Quayle stumbled in response to a question about his opinion of the
>> Holocaust. He said it was "an obscene period in our nation's history."
>> Then, trying to clarify his remark, Quayle said he meant "this century's
>> history" and added a confusing comment.  "We all lived in this century,
>> I didn't live in this century," he said.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> We expect them  Salvadoran officials  to work toward the elimination
>> of human rights.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many voices
>> to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a
>> single voice.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> It's rural America.  It's where I came from.  We always refer to ourselves
>> as real America.  Rural America, real America, real, real, America.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> Target prices?  How that works?  I know quite a bit about farm policy.
>> I come from Indiana, which is a farm state.  Deficiency payments -
>> which are the key - that is what gets money into the farmer's hands.
>> We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked
>> very closely with my senior colleague, (Indiana Sen.) Richard Lugar,
>> making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked to
>>                    define the term "target prices."
>>                    Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press
>>                    conference, after two minutes and 30 seconds.
>>
>> The US has a vital interest in that area of the country.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle Referring to Latin America.
>>
>> Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of
>> the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP,
>> two countries. That's a statement in and of itself.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> Who would have predicted... that Dubcek, who brought the tanks in in
>> Czechoslovakia in 1968 is now being proclaimed a hero in Czechoslovakia.
>> Unbelievable.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>                    Actually, Dubcek was the leader of the Prague Spring.
>>
>>.. getting cruise missiles more accurate so that we can have precise
>>precision.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to his legislative
>>                    work dealing with cruise missles
>>
>> I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that
>> have had a difficult time.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing workers at
>>                    an Ohio steel plant,1988
>>
>>  I will never have  another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy,
>> Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle during the Bentson debate
>>
>> Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and
>> I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of
>> situations and I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news
>> conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does
>> that answer your question?
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked what he
>>                    would do if he assumed the Presidency,1988
>>
>> Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm
>> my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There's not going to be any more
>> handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to press reports
>>                    his aides having to, in effect, "potty train" him.
>>
>> I would guess that there's adequate low-income housing in this
>> country.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> The real question for 1988 is whether we're going to go forward to
>> tomorrow or past to the -- to the back!
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity,
>> family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988
>>
>> We'll let the sunshine in and shine on us, because today we're
>> happy and tomorrow we'll be even happier.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988
>>
>> We're going to have the best-educated American people in the
>> world.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>> This election is about who's going to be the next President of the
>> United States!
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988
>>
>>         Don't forget about the importance of the family. It begins with
>> the family. We're not going to redefine the family. Everybody knows the
>> definition of the family.  [Meaningful pause]  A child.  [Meaningful
>> pause]  A mother.  [Meaningful pause]  A father.  There are other
>> arrangements of the family, but that is a family and family values.
>>         I've been very blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful
>> family, and I am proud of my family. Anybody turns to their family. I have
>> a very good family. I'm very fortunate to have a very good family. I
>> believe very strongly in the family. It's one of the things we have in
>> our platform, is to talk about it.
>>         I suppose three important things certainly come to my mind that we
>> want to say thank you. The first would be our family. Your family, my
>> family -- which is composed of an immediate family of a wife and three
>> children, a larger family with grandparents and aunts and uncles. We all
>> have our family, whichever that may be ... The very beginnings of
>> civilization, the very beginnings of this country, goes back to the family.
>> And time and time again, I'm often reminded, especially in this
>> Presidential campaign, of the importance of a family, and what a family
>> means to this country. And so when you pay thanks I suppose the first thing
>> that would come to mind would be to thank the Lord for the family.
>>                 -- Vice President Dan Quayle
>>
>>  ---   ---   ---   ---   ---   ---   ---   ---   ---   ---   ---   ---
>> Newsflash  X/X 1992     Newsflash
>>
>> St. Louis, MO  --(UPI)-- Vice President Dan Quayle today visited St.
>> Lous, MO, which bears a heavy population descended from German
>> immigrants.  In order to show support for the newly-unified country of
>> Germany, fatherland of many in the audience, he repeated John F.
>> Kennedy's words of support 30 years earlier, but this time in English,
>> "I am a Jelly Doughnut!"  Political commentators agreed that something
>> was lost in the translation.  Dan Quayle explained his remark by saying
>> that he had been told that those who lived in central America enjoyed
>> jelly doughnuts.
>>
>>+-------------------------------------------------------------------------+
>>
>>
>>   _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
>>    _/ To join the Humor Group, contact _/
>>     _/  Sebastian <Cron -at- Pixie -dot- co -dot- za>  _/
>>      _/   Yes Scrupulous, its free   _/
>>       _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
>>
>>
>>
>>

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