Intimidation and harassment

[Deborah Ray <debray -at- RAYCOMM -dot- COM>]

To the anonymous poster:

Bring it to the attention of your boss...keep a paper trail...
take action now...have witnesses...base your assertions
on facts, not emotions...state what you expect/don't expect...
know what your company expects/doesn't expect...get signatures
and acknowledgments of receipt....

You've received some excellent advice from postings on this
thread. What you are experiencing is outright harassment,
and you should take steps to make sure it stops.

I have three thoughts to add to the excellent comments made
today. First, know that the problem is with her, not you.
Harassment like this can happen to anyone, regardless of
his/her age, experience, education, or expertise.

Second, I hope you do get support from your boss(es),
but don't count on that to fix the problem. Your boss(es)
can't control what she does or says (particularly when you're
alone with her), and it may take time for them to build a
paper trail long enough to fire her (if that's what they
want to do). In the meantime, you might be stuck living
with the harassment and intimidation--and perhaps end
up with the problem never getting resolved.

Third, in reference to one of Gary Robinson's comments,
I'd like to offer an alternate viewpoint. He said,
"This SME is probably receiving a good deal of pleasure
at your discomfiture. Why allow it to continue?  If she finds you
to be unflappable she loses the gratification her actions bring
her." I say, yes, the harasser is probably getting a big kick out of
making your life miserable; however, consider that she may continue
to harass you regardless of how unflappable you outwardly seem.

Several years ago, I was in a similar situation with a
woman--a tech writer peer. For two years, she did everything
in her power to make me look like an idiot. She criticized all
the projects I completed. She interrupted conversations I was
having with peers because her conversations were much more
important. She spread nasty rumors about my professional and
personal life. The stronger I appeared, the more she tried to
intimidate me. She seemed to thrive on the fact that I didn't
back down.

My biggest mistake was that I didn't tell anyone. I continued
to work diligently. I didn't retaliate with nasty rumors.
I smiled when she'd try to make me look stupid. I reminded
her of my experience whenever I could. I never said anything
to anyone because she always stopped just short of doing anything
illegal or obviously (to others) unethical. In fact, I could
never really pinpoint any one thing that was so horrible in
and of itself; it was the combination of the many crappy
things she did.

Eventually, she began harassing me (us, actually) at home.
Repeated midnight drive-bys. Incessant hangup calls. She'd
spy on us at night while sitting in her car a few houses
down from us. She'd follow me around town, work, and
conferences. We'd get hang-up calls for weeks straight,
but interestingly they'd stop when we all attended
conferences. At one point, the calls stopped for an entire
summer...when she was out of town for an extended time.

Finally, I'd had enough, and I decided to tell my higher-ups
about the harassment and mentioned a few details to my peers.
I also filed police reports about her more flagrant actions.
She was made aware that others knew of her harassing me, but
she persisted and the harassment got worse.

<Interesting but long-winded details snipped here>

At one point, she became my boss (no, I'm not kidding).
As my boss, she conveniently "forgot" to tell me about mandatory
staff meetings. She would force other TWs to take on projects
that I volunteered to do just so I wouldn't get the experience
or portfolio piece. She excluded me completely from a TW-related
newsletter that featured all the other TWs (at the time, this
was a professionally-valuable thing to be mentioned in). She
insisted that my peers not go to me for help with computer
questions and that they must go to her instead. She further
told them that I was completely unqualified to answer even
simple computer questions. The hang-up calls and followings
continued.

We finally moved to a different town and eventually moved out
of state. Only then did the professional (and personal) harassment
stop. To all appearances, it must have looked like we moved to
get away from her. That wasn't the case, but I suspect she
thinks I backed down...and was, therefore, no longer interested
in harassing me.

My point is that this person *is* harassing you--by intimidating
you and making you appear professionally incompetent--and may not
back down no matter how unflappable you appear. I'd recommend
that you treat it as harassment and take steps accordingly.
I'm not necessarily saying that she'll start harassing you
outside of work; chances are she won't. I'm just saying that
you should take action before it gets out of control
(more out of control?).

Had I taken steps early on to make sure my higher ups and
peers knew of the harassment, the situation might have been
different. Be factual, not emotional; bring your paper trail;
state your expectations; provide specific details about how this
person is negatively affecting your ability to do your job. Had
I done the same early on, the harassment might have been stopped
(or at least been curbed), and she might not have ever gotten
to be in a management-type position (at least over me).

I suspect that perhaps you're not the only one she's harassing
and intimidating. Interestingly, years later I've found out that
I wasn't the only one she harassed. When I finally mentioned a
few details to my peers, they said, "You too?" The only way you'll
know this is by making your experiences known.

I wish you luck.
Deborah


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