Re: Not fighting back: [was] challenging and oppressive SME situation

Subject: Re: Not fighting back: [was] challenging and oppressive SME situation
From: Rowena Hart <rhart -at- INTRINSYC -dot- COM>
Date: Mon, 24 Aug 1998 08:38:04 -0700

TECHWR-Ls,

I've followed the DemonSME advice closely, and I feel I need to
speak up and say that in some situations, with some employers
and some co-workers, *you really should not fight back.*

1. Some people just don't do confrontation well. I certainly don't.
It doesn't make me feel better, it usually doesn't achieve anything
positive, and the situation usually isn't resolved to anyone's sat-
isfaction.

2. Bosses, no matter how good they are, don't like refereeing
these kinds of fights. I don't know many bosses/supervisors
who have direct training in conflict resolution. They usually rely
on their own personal judgement, and they often make mistakes.


3. Getting a lawyer involved will not make the process more "fair".
Lawyers choose information carefully in order to create a legal
stand/argument. They leave out a lot of data, and you end up
with entrenched debate that is geared toward winning and/or
resolving.

4. Even if you successfully fight back (with the primary goal of
protecting yourself) you are not going to change the DemonSME.
They will continue to harass other people, to some degree, wherever
they work. You can not change them without their consent. If they
think that their behaviour reaps *positive* results, they will con-
tinue to be bullies and harassers.

If you choose not to fight back... You are not a loser. You are not
weak. You are not less professional. You are simply making a
choice that suits your own personal/professional situation. Walking
away can also change a bad work situation, especially if you
deliver a letter (for the record) about your reasons for leaving. It
allows you to leave with dignity and without personal or professional
stress, pain, and suffering.

Just a few thoughts on the issue.

Rowena

---------------------
Rowena Hart
Technical Writer
Intrinsyc Software, Inc.
Vancouver, B.C. Canada
http://www.intrinsyc.com

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