Re: Not fighting back

Subject: Re: Not fighting back
From: Tim Altom <taltom -at- SIMPLYWRITTEN -dot- COM>
Date: Mon, 24 Aug 1998 11:03:49 -0500

Rowena, I understand your reasons for backing away in many circumstances,
but there are some things that a worker should consider about confrontation.
It's not just a matter of fighting back for survival.

First, although confrontation can be debilitating, it's no less debilitating
in many cases than an ignominious departure. Confrontation doesn't have to
be done with fists flailing. If you have trouble with somebody who's really
and truly just being a jerk, then you're probably going to find that a good
many others have the same problem and may welcome a united front.
Confrontation can often squeeze out the real seed of discontent at the
center of all the uproar and make everybody's jobs easier.

Second, seeming Demon Spawn aren't always that way in reality. In many cases
alternate conflict resolution can work wonders. I wrote an article for
InterCom on getting along with impossible coworkers, based on the four
general behavior types that people exhibit. Not personality types, mind you,
but behavior types. I've found that in many, many cases, what seems to be
jerkish behavior is actually diagonal behavior styles not understanding one
another.

Third, some companies value knowing that there's a severe problem brewing
inside the cube farm. Simple, straightforward confrontation including
management at least puts the company on notice that something's not right.
The jerk may go, or you may go, or both, but one or both of you may be
history anyway, with or without a confrontation. Many managers really don't
see when one troublemaker (or seeming troublemaker) is poisoning the whole
well, at least, not until the subject is brought up in a way that's highly
visible. Then they can deal with it. If it stays under the surface and
drives away staff, it can be out of control before anybody can change
things.

Last, given the international nature of our business, it's not surprising
that some "jerks" are actually acting in accordance with their cultural
norms. I worked on one project with a gentleman from Europe who was, shall
we say, greatly stubborn. It was a cultural norm with him. I could see it in
his relations with others from his region. He was highly competent,
gracious, helpful and hard-working as the dickens, and he managed things
such that nothing got away from him. But his mind was impervious to
arguments that weren't dinned into him. Not unpleasant, mind you, but you
had to be insistent and stand by your guns to the point of exasperation.
Then he'd back down with good grace and go on, not the least bit disturbed
that he'd forced you to practically drive your point home with a
sledgehammer. If you didn't, he couldn't believe that you actually believed
in what you were saying. The more insistent you were, the more attention
he'd pay to your argument. From such cultural differences are "jerk" labels
often printed.

>I've followed the DemonSME advice closely, and I feel I need to
>speak up and say that in some situations, with some employers
>and some co-workers, *you really should not fight back.*


Tim Altom
Adobe Certified Expert, Acrobat
Simply Written, Inc.
317.899.5882
http://www.simplywritten.com
Creators of the Clustar Method for task-based documentation

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