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Re: Not fighting back: [was] challenging and oppressive SME si
Subject:Re: Not fighting back: [was] challenging and oppressive SME si From:JIMCHEVAL -at- AOL -dot- COM Date:Mon, 24 Aug 1998 12:34:06 EDT
In a message dated 98-08-24 11:41:50 EDT, rhart -at- INTRINSYC -dot- COM writes:
<< Even if you successfully fight back (with the primary goal of
protecting yourself) you are not going to change the DemonSME.
They will continue to harass other people, to some degree, wherever
they work. >>
Maybe. I had two different confrontations of this sort within the same
organization. As it happens, I won the first one hands-down (raise and
promotion.) And later, as other people 'inexplicably' left the group
(choosing, as you recommend, to switch rather than fight)t hat one open
confrontation was probably one signal (among others) to management that they
should remove that person. Which (very diplomatically) they did. Much later,
from what I know, she DID become a much better manager, largely through the
mentoring of her next boss (whom she herself had originally promoted.)
The other person FINALLY ended up being moved out by a new boss who'd dealt
with her as a peer before coming into the organization - and couldn't WAIT to
see her go.
<< If you choose not to fight back... You are not a loser. You are not
weak. <snip> It allows you to leave with dignity and without personal or
professional
stress, pain, and suffering. >>
I wouldn't count on that 'without suffering' part. Daily resentment and
regret counts to me as suffering. And I know numerous people who are filled
with stress because of confrontations they walked away from, but never
resolved. It's not hard to tell - they'll often re-live these old events over
and over in conversations.
People differ in their styles, yes. But I know I went into that original
battle prepared to lose my job so long as it meant that I'd stood up for what
I felt was right. Which made the subsequent victory all that more gratifying.
Life is often like going to the dentist. You have to put up with some
discomfort or even out and out pain at key moments to avoid chronic and
possibly more painful suffering down the road. Learning to stand your ground
and solve the problem seems to me a fundamental life skill worth learning.
