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Subject:HUMOR: Tips of the Day From:Andrew Plato <intrepid_es -at- YAHOO -dot- COM> Date:Tue, 27 Apr 1999 11:56:56 -0700
--- "Christy, Annemarie" <AChristy -at- PEACHTREE -dot- COM> wrote:
> Any suggestions for trends in or usability of those tips that appear at
> startup of so many programs? I'm about to revamp some.
I have some great suggestions for a Tip of the Day program:
- Don't eat hamsters.
- Ridicule things you don't understand.
- If your computer locks up, blame the powerless, ugly, or meek.
- Put a live chicken in your underware. Go into a closet and suck eggs.
- Live in a swamp and be three dimensional.
- The mouse should not be used as a flotation device.
- Armaggedon voids all warranties.
- I thought I told you to leave me, when I walked down to the beach. Tell me
how does it feel, when your heart grows cold.
- You do not look fat. You look jolly.
- Chanting does not affect download speeds.
- Rapping the monitor with your knuckles is an excellent way to increase your
productivity. Rap until knuckles are bloody.
- The floppy drive is for external use only. If ingested, immediately induce
vomiting and contact your technical support representative.
- This application may sap your will to live. No refunds on opened boxes.
- The engineers wanted it this way.
- The truth must be out there, because it sure as hell isn't anywhere in here.
- Don't blame us, we just live here.
- 90 days same as crash.
- Why do you say things you know will hurt me?
- Get that idea out of your head, you don't know where it has been.
- If you can't use this application, you have bigger problems than not knowing
how to use this application.
and finally:
- Get back to work, YOU!
Andrew Plato
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