HUMOR: Technical Writers' Competency Screening Test

[Andrew Plato <intrepid_es -at- YAHOO -dot- COM>]

Technical Writers' Competency Screening Test (Sponsored by The Society for
Total Creeps.)

Directions: Answer each question honestly and without any thought.  Tally
your
responses and points at the end.

1. Do people generally loathe your presence?
   A. No, I have many good friends.
   B. Yes.
   C. No, I have many friends in my mind.

2. How do you feel about Microsoft Word?
   A. It does a good job.
   B. I prefer other tools, but it is okay.
   C. I feel all humans that consider using Word should be crushed to death
by
      a heard of rabid llamas.

3. When you attend an STC conference do you...?
   A. Attend as many seminars as possible to learn more about your
profession.
   B. Head to the local bar and get stiff.
   C. Even realize how much you're getting ripped off.

4. Do you find spelling errors to be:
   A. Minor problems easily corrected.
   B. Indicative of stupid, incompetent writers.
   C. Another indication of the coming apocalypse.

5. When interviewing for a new job, what do you emphasize about yourself?
   A. Your experience writing documentation.
   B. Your ability to see fonts in the dark.
   C. The "revolutionary" template you designed in 1986.

6. In your last position what was your greatest achievement?
   A. Getting those damn numbered lists in Word to work?
   B. Bending space with your mind.
   C. Making sure you had an impressive sounding title.

7. When a subject matter expert is avoiding you, do you?
   A. Diplomatically ask for a meeting to discuss issues?
   B. Have a serious hissy-fit.
   C. Form an insight committee.

8. Which of the following HTML tags is not used in standard HTML?
   A. "<STRONG>"
   B. "<SRC>"
   C. "<WINK>"

9. WinHelp and RoboHelp do what?
   A. Assist with programming on-line help systems.
   B. Design great looking robots.
   C. Provide profound spiritual meaning to a lot of overpriced consultants.

10. Two trains leave Phoenix at exactly the same time.  The first train is
carrying 37 people, the second train is carrying the same number of people
minus the number of technical writers in the universe who have a real voice
on
their project. If the first train is sucked into a temporal vortex that
transforms it into a inverse tacheon bolt, how many FrameMaker consultants
will
it take to write William Shatner's next installment of TekWar? Use the
formula:

(Passengers / Universal Tacheon Constant)
---------------------------------------------------------------
(Volume of Shatner's Belly in cubic liters * FrameMaker version)

A. 0
B. -7
C. 6.02 * 10e23

-------------

This concludes this portion of the test.  Please proceed to level 5 for
decontamination, inoculation and rest. The moon with the rebel base will be
in
range in 5 minutes. Wildfire is equipped with a nuclear device in the event
of
a serious contamination.

Your results will be tallied and reported immediately to all the ancestors
of
Ayn Rand. You may now undress.

Have a nice day.
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