'Step Up to Leader' Post > Tangential Question

[Ned Bedinger]

Dori Green wrote:
> Re:  "flat refusals" -- most companies can benefit from periodic tuneups
> of everybody's basic communication skills.  Intent of sender does not
> always equal perception of receiver.  
> 
> As the "professional communicators" in the herd, we are justifiably
> expected to lead by example in this area.  For instance, if we think we
> just heard a flat refusal from a subordinate, we're supposed to swallow
> our initial reaction ("Oh yeah?  Well buddy, I've had it up to here with
> your <insert gunnysack of irritations here> and you're outta here!") and
> instead do a good Active Listening exercise ("Wow, let me make sure I
> just heard you correctly...etc.").
> 

Jumping in late, but after reading so much advice about maintaining 
discipline, I want to say that I agree with Dori--the communication 
channel needs to be established immediately, and the two of you need to 
engage on that level, where active listening provides a disciplined 
technique for maintaining that channel. I think I would also try to turn 
the encounter away from all the obstructions and differences you and the 
employee seem to be finding. Turn it toward "yes".  A simple technique 
for doing this is to just ask, "What would it take for me to get you to 
say yes to the task I've asked you to do?"

If getting a yes first requires that you two go down the road about how 
things were done before you got there, then by all means take that 
detour, and be prepared to find some humility if it turns out that you 
needed to understand this person's work before redirecting it. Working 
through the give and take might be hard for both of you, but that's why 
it is called work.

Have fun, be flexible, and work *with* the person.

Ned Bedinger
doc at edwordsmith.com