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HUMOR: Warning Signs Your Firm is About to Collapse
Subject:HUMOR: Warning Signs Your Firm is About to Collapse From:Andrew Plato <intrepid_es -at- yahoo -dot- com> To:"TECHWR-L" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com> Date:Mon, 4 Dec 2000 22:25:09 -0800 (PST)
Given all the recent dot.com busts, these handy warning signs can help you
determine if your company is about ready to appear on fu**edcompany.com.
10. The mayonnaise in the company cafeteria is replaced with carpet glue.
9. The company picnic is held at Dunkin Donuts on a Monday morning at 5:00 am.
8. Your desks are replaced with those attractive faux wood folding tables that
pinch your hand when you try to move them.
7. Chris Matthews on CNBC calls the investors in your firm a group of
"syphilitic morons locked in a shed, wallowing in their own filth since birth."
6. Your boss asks you to reduce the number of words in all documents to save
space on the 1991 era Packard Bell 386 PC fileserver currently in use.
5. Job postings for your company list "blind devotion to corporate missions"
and "flexible pay schedule" as requirements.
4. Your cubicle is replaced with sheets hanging from the ceiling that have
"Downtown Holiday Inn" printed on them.
3. The company mission statement changes to include phrases such as
"envisioneer turn-key portals", "disintermediate best-of-breed infomediaries",
and "identify tremendous suckers."
2. The upper management begins attending numerous "strategy sessions" at
expensive beach-front resorts.
And the number one warning sign your firm is about to collapse.
1. You're offered "valuable stock options" in lieu of pay, respect, or basic
protection under OSHA laws.
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