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> > Now, here's my dilemma, I saw this and was absolutely horrified. Am I
> being
> > a nut or what? My stance on this is that the writing team could have
> easily
> > taken this copy and slightly changed the punctuation and a couple of words
> > and kept the message the same.
The tone and structure of this ad is very common, and, as several people
have already pointed out, it's probably acceptable for the audience and
the purpose. For example, an unusual sentence structure, such as a
sentence fragment, is a common way to emphasize a point.
However, I have several reservations about this ad:
1.) So many ads use sentence fragments that they've become a cliche. A
cliche invites readers to ignore it, so the effort to emphasize is a
failure. I'd find some other way to emphasize.
2.) The ad strikes me as wordy, and full of near cliches. I'd want
people to linger, not to scan quickly over too many familiar phrases.
And if I couldn't think of more worthwhile things to say, I would bother
just throwing filler into the ad
3.) I'd suggest either a quieter tone, or a more ironic or detached tone
for high-tech. Hard sell and high-tech don't mix very well.
I suppose that part of what I'm saying is that I'd do it differently.
But dozens of copy writers would produce results very similar to what
you've quoted.
--
Bruce Byfield 604.421.7177 bbyfield -at- axionet -dot- com
"All the federales say
They could have had him any day,
They only let him slip away
Out of kindness, I suppose."
- Townes Van Zandt, "Poncho and Lefty"
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