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Subject:Re: synonym for "based" as in "based on"? From:"Richard G. Combs" <richard -dot- combs -at- voyanttech -dot- com> To:"TECHWR-L" <techwr-l -at- lists -dot- raycomm -dot- com> Date:Mon, 30 Sep 2002 14:02:55 -0600
Ruby Isaacs wrote:
> A client has inserted the phrase "based on" after the phrase
> "Web-based tool" in an introductory sentence. I'd like to
> keep the phrase "Web-based tool" because I think most people
> will understand it.
>
> Here is the current text:
> "... Online is a Web-based tool based on the report ...."
>
> Before the client changed it, the old text stated:
> "... Online is a Web-based tool that provides statistical
> data from the report ...."
I think John Posada was on the right track:
>HOW is it based on it?
<snip several speculative examples>
Is "Online" the name of the tool? Is it client-side or server-side? Maybe
with more context, I'd have a clearer picture, but I'm inclined to think
that neither version provides enough concrete information that's useful to
the reader. Both sound like much of Microsoft's Help -- completely accurate
but totally useless.
What does "tool...provides...data" really mean to the poor shmuck who's
trying to get some work done? How about more focus on the user's goal?
Something like:
"Once the XYZ report has been generated, Online makes selected parts of the
report available on the World Wide Web. Using your Web browser, you can log
into Online and retrieve [insert stuff here] from any computer with Internet
access."
My 0.02
Richard
------
Richard G. Combs
Senior Technical Writer
Voyant Technologies, Inc.
richardDOTcombs AT voyanttechDOTcom
303-223-5111
------
rgcombs AT freeDASHmarketDOTnet
303-777-0436
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