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We always seem to be able to work around some signage and instructions:
Sign on door of a college's administration building : "Always keep this door closed." (What's the door there for?)
Sign at entrance to area in cafeteria: "Now serving faculty and staff only." (They never change the menu.)
Sign in a restaurant: "Shoes and shirts required to eat in the dining room." (Men only? Trousers and socks can eat wherever they want.)
Sign in post office: "Only seeing-eye dogs allowed." (Audience?)
Don C.
On Tuesday, December 17, 2013 12:19 PM, Hannah Drake <hannah -at- formulatrix -dot- com> wrote:
To keep the merriment going:
On Sears hair dryer:
*Do not use while sleeping.*
On a bag of Fritos:
*You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.*
On a bar of Dial soap:
*Directions: Use like regular soap.*
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
*Serving suggestions: Defrost.*
Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:
*Do not turn upside down.*
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding:
*Product will be hot after heating.*
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
*Do not iron clothes on body.*
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
*Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.*
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
*Warning: May cause drowsiness.*
On most brands of Christmas lights:
*For indoor or outdoor use only.*
On a Japanese food processor:
*Not to be used for the other use.*
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
*Warning: Contains nuts.*
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
*Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.*
On a child's Superman costume:
*Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.*
On a Swedish chain saw:
*Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.*
On a toboggan:
*Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.*
On a knife sharpener:
*Caution: knives are sharp.*
On shin pads for cyclists:
*Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.*
On a take away coffee cup:
*Caution: Hot beverages are hot.*
Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:
*In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill
quickly.*
In a microwave oven manual:
*Do not use for drying pets.*
On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft:
*Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.*
On the bottom of a cola bottle:
*Do not open here.*
On a Harry Potter wizards broom:
*This broom does not actually fly.*
On a box of aspirin:
*Do not take if allergic to aspirin.*
On a bottle of laundry detergent:
*Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.*
On a muffin packet:
*Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.*
In a kettle instruction manual:
*The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON'
position.*
On a ketchup bottle:
*Instructions: Put on food.*
On a bottle of rum:
*Open bottle before drinking.*
A car park sign:
*Entrance only. Do not enter.*
A sign in a street in Hong Kong:
*Beware of people.*
Rules on a tram in Prague:
*Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will
be persecuted.*
Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA:
*Take care: new non-slip surface.*
On a can of air freshener:
*For use by trained personnel only.*
On a bottle of baby lotion:
*Keep away from children.*
On a pair of socks bought in egypt:
*Do not wash.*
On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:
*Some assembly required.*
On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:
*May irritate eyes.*
On a Frisbee:
*Warning: may contain small parts.*
In a car handbook:
*In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close
doors.*
On a packet of cashew nut pieces:
*Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.*
Directions for mosquito repellant:
*Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.*
On a birthday card for a one year old:
*Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.*
In a hotel bedroom:
*Please do not turn on TV except when in use.*
In a lift in a Japanese hotel:
*Push this button in case anything happens.*
On a toilet cleaning brush:
*Do not use orally.*
On a can of Spray paint:
*Do not spray in your face.*
On a TV remote:
*Not Dishwasher safe.*
On a blowtorch:
*Not used for drying hair.*
On a washing machine inn a launderette:
*No small children.*
On a bottle of hair dye:
*Do not use as Ice Cream topping.*
On a push along lawn mower:
*Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.*
On a box of fireworks:
*Do not put in mouth.*
On the packaging for a wrist watch:
*Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.*
In a dishwasher manual:
*Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.*
On a toaster:
*Do not use underwater.*
On a mattress:
*Do not attempt to swallow.*
On Tue, Dec 17, 2013 at 1:13 PM, <Brian -dot- Henderson -at- mitchell1 -dot- com> wrote:
> Anybody who insists on more information than that is a lawyer.
> (and is thereby unqualified to impart useful instruction)
>
> -----Original Message----- From: Steven Janoff
>
> This on a package of athletic tape:
>
> "HOW TO APPLY: The sticky side sticks and the other side doesn't. Tear it,
> cut it, use it."
>
> And at the bottom:
>
> "WARNING: Don't apply tape directly to an open wound (ow). If your limb
> turns an unnatural color and hurts...it's too tight. Quick! Loosen it!"
>
> --
>
>
>
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--
Hannah L. Drake
Lead Technical Documentation Specialist
Formulatrix, Inc.
