Humor

[Garret Romaine <GRomaine -at- MSMAIL -dot- RADISYS -dot- COM>]

In the interest of keeping up in this wired world, these came in...


     Alpha Geek
 The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in
an office or  work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek
around here."

    Plug-and-Play
 A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy,
John, is  great. He's totally plug-and-play."

    Adminisphere
 The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the
rank and  file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are
often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the
problems they were  designed to solve.

  Dead Tree Edition
 The paper version of a publication available in both paper
and  electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the
San Francisco Chronicle..."

  Dilberted
 To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived
from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic
strip character. "I've  been dilberted again. The old man
revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

    Link Rot
 The process by which links on a web page became as
obsolete as the  sites they're connected to change location
or die.

    Chip Jewelry
 A euphamism for old computers destined to be scrapped
or turned into  decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand
for that Mac SE, and now it's  nothing but chip jewelry."

    Crapplet
 A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just
wasted 30  minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

    World Wide Wait
 The real meaning of WWW.

    CGI Joe
 A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social
skills and  charisma of a plastic action figure.

    Dorito Syndrome
 Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by
addictive  substances that lack nutritional content. "I just
spent six hours  surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad
case of Dorito Syndrome."

    Under Mouse Arrest
 Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of
conduct.  "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me
under mouse arrest."

    Glazing
 Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A
popular pastime  at conferences and early-morning
meetings. "Didn't he notice that half  the room was glazing
by the second session?"

    404
 Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web
message "404, URL Not Found," meaning that the
document you've tried to access can't be located. "Don't
bother asking him...he's 404,  man."

    Egosurfing
 Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research
papers looking  for the mention of your name.

    Graybar Land
 The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's
 processing something very slowly (while you watch the
gray bar creep  across the screen). "I was in graybar land
for what seemed like hours,  thanks to that CAD
rendering."

      Open-Collar Workers
 People who work at home or telecommute.

    Squirt The Bird
 To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are
 ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"

    Brain Fart
 A biproduct of a bloated mind producing information
effortlessly. A  burst of useful information. "I know you're
busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain
fart on the Mitnik  bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that
had more negative connotations.

    Cobweb Site
 A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a
long time. A  dead web page.

    It's a Feature
 From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used
sarcastically  to describe an unpleasant experience that you
wish to gloss over.

    Keyboard Plaque
 The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer
 keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This
one has a  bad case of keyboard plaque."

    Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
 Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity.
 Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a
serious  CLM.

    Elvis Year
 The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the
dinosaur's  Elvis year was 1993."

    Tourists
 People who are taking training classes just to get a
vacation from  their jobs. "We had about three serious
students in the class; the rest  were tourists."

    Blowing Your Buffer
 Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person
you are  speaking with won't let you get a word in
edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that
your train gets derailed. "Damn,  I just blew my buffer!"
 (Also used as "Head Crash")

     Gray Matter
 Older, experienced business people hired by young
entrpreneurial  firms looking to appear more reputable and
established.

    Bookmark
 To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor
borrowed  from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after
seeing his cool demo at  Siggraph."

    Nyetscape
 Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web
browser.

    Beepilepsy
 The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their
beepers go off,  especially in vibrator mode. Characterized
by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping
speech in  mid-sentence.

      Salmon Day
 The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream only to  get screwed in the end.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Garret Romaine
gromaine -at- radisys -dot- com