Re: repetitive text and voice

[Michele_Berkes -at- CCMAIL -dot- OSTI -dot- GOV]

     Fellow Techwhirlers,

     Many thanks to those who have sent replies already to my earlier
     question (about shifting voice when describing subjects covered in a
     database), especially those who took the time to send attached files
     with proposed revisions!

     I thought the first message was already long enough, so I left out some of
     the background info. Allow me to add a bit of that now.

     (1) Space is at a premium. My mandate for this revision is mostly just
     to update. This version needs to have the same basic design, size,
     number of pages, and so forth as its predecessor. If I can revise the
     words (with minimal time spent) and they fit in the same space, fine.
     Major revisions have to wait until next year, when we plan to do a new
     version from scratch.

     (2) The descriptions of each subject area are not exhaustive. They
     have, however, been approved by subject specialists as hitting the
     important areas. There is no way I could list *everything* covered in
     each of the 13 areas. (The detailed categories and scope notes listing
     is 49 pages.) This is why I used hedge words like "includes".

     I wrote this brochure when I was fairly new at this position. Now that
     I'm more familiar with our product, I'd really like to make whatever
     improvements I can.

     BTW, I'm on digest, so I've only seen the comments that were sent to
     me directly. Keep those cards and letters coming. Thanks again!

     Michele Berkes
     Energy Technology Data Exchange
     michele_berkes -at- ccmail -dot- osti -dot- gov
     www.etde.org